Crimson Ring Chapter 7

The world. What happened to the world? It’s now… formless. Shapeless. Nothingness. Blackness…unsettling foreboding. I feel…wild panic welling from deep inside. 

Yes! Panic. Fighting. Thrashing. Resisting. Losing—all for reasons I can’t remember. Can’t remember…anything…anything but the immensity of my failure.

‘Failure?’ A voice asks. 

Who…where…is this voice amid the darkness? Stranger. The cold foreboding grows stronger, more palpable.

“Your failure. Tell me of this failure.”

Failure? Yes, that’s right. I have failed. I was not to fail. At all costs, I was to succeed. And if I still live, then I have failed her again, because I was to take my own life.

‘Failed who?’ The voice asks. ‘Who have you failed?’  

Memories now come in a rush, but I…I don’t want to remember. Panic! No! I do not wish to remember. I don’t…I don’t…

New sensation. Smoke…I am choking…and…is that pain? No…not pain…not choking. The smoke is odd…pleasant. The smoke…it is comforting…

‘There you go. Nice and relaxed. Now, tell me. Who have you failed?’

Fear. More failure. But the fear…it is not so strong now. No, not so strong…the smoke is comforting…

‘Tell me. Who have you failed?’

I know not her name…

‘Describe her.’

Terror! She is terror. She…she is beauty…power. Spirits above and below, she is power. Impossible to resist. Impossible!

‘Describe her.’

She…she is…she…is

‘Describe her!’

Spirits! She is…dark, like a moonless night. Slight of build. Deceptive. Oh, so deceptive, for she is fierce.

‘Detail. I need more detail. What does she look like?’

Hair…her hair…thick and wild…a crown…defiant. 

‘More detail.’

Her voice…strong… shockingly strong. That voice…terrible demands. Terrible, terrible demands…terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terr—

‘More! I need more. Does she have any markings?’ 

Markings? yes…markings. A tattoo—a red circle around her neck.

I shiver…terror…failure. Terrible is my failure! Terrible is—

‘Describe your initial meeting of this woman.’

Difficulty concentrating…blackness closing…blackness deepening…

‘Quickly now! Tell me of how you met this woman.’

Crowded. Market. Yes, the market. I…tried to move, sought…sought to scramble away…I could not. My body would not respond. I tried. By the sun, I tried to resist her.

‘More detail.’

Memory. Vivid memory…returning…

The sun, fierce, crested the horizon. I watched…I waited…paid the peace their price. 

She was to be mine…my love…I paid the peace…I paid the peace…I paid the peace…

‘Continue.’

I…followed her…my love. Close. I should have waited. I planned to wait…until she returned to her apartments. But I could not wait. And why should I? I paid the peace, so she was mine. I chose not to wait…could not wait…could not. Her beauty…her skirts…her perfume, surely for me. All for me…surely…all for me…all for me…all for me…

‘Continue.’

C—continue? Yes. I…I grabbed her. Pulled her…pulled her into an alley. She resisted. My love resisted. How? Why? I paid the peace. Bad…wrong, she was…to cheat me. I beat her. Not too much! No! Not too much. Just until my love stopped struggling. She stopped…she slept…she welcomed me. I crouched…reached for her…bare leg…

A noise…a noise from behind…from the mouth of the alley. I thought the peace at first. But no. I paid their price…they would not interrupt us. I turn. Behind me…behind us…I see her…the one with the crimson ring…the thief…I see her…standing before me. Her eyes. Rage. By the sun, the rage. Jealously? Surely…jealous of my love.

And then my body…my body…stopped working. Could not resist her voice…her command. And then I was standing…and then I was walking…moving away from my love…still lying…still waiting…still welcoming me.

She was in my head…the tattooed one. Could not resist her. I wanted to. Resist. Spirits…I wanted to resist. Could not…could not…could not…

‘Keep going, you bastard.’

A knife. My knife…in my hand…trembling. My other hand, working my ties… lowering my pantaloons… freeing my manhood. Spirits… I could not resist… could not…

A cut…another… and then another… the blood… everywhere… the blood…my manhood… severed… my manhood, in my hand… raised…her voice, in my head. Commanding! Could not resist! Could not resist! Could not resist!

‘Keep going!’ 

Could not stop until… until all of my manhood was gone.

And then we left my love. Alone. We left her in the alley…left her in the alley. I follow the tattooed one…the crimson ring. I follow with stained pantaloons…I follow with stained hands…I follow with stained lips…stained cheeks…stained beard…I follow…

‘Where? You followed her where? You piece of shit.’

Limping…agony…I followed the tattooed one…through the markets…into a building…crowded..dangerous. Climbing stairs…she hands me a bundle…alchemy…explosives. Tells me…commands me…plant the bomb…flee…flee far enough away. I was to wait…wait one day. I was to wait until I passed my manhood as waste…and then I was to take my life. She commanded me not to fail…commanded me not to fail…commanded me—

‘The building that she took you to. Where was it? What district?’

District…yes…district…twenty-one…yes.